A husband who sorts everything.
And a man she never feels.
Clean the film. Feel your life. They feel you.
Relationship. Years in. Care about her.
01. The mirror
Your stories are plausible, commendable, they've kept the peace and never been a burden. But the years of self censorship and silenced requests are catching up. At home, and in you.
It is the first useful thing that you're initiating in a while.
Stories written by you. A boy works out what gets his needs met. Yours worked then, so you never replaced them.
You're no longer a boy. And this is your wife and home, not the school yard. Your life doesn't need them now. That is why they turn up at eleven at night.
They surface so you can rewrite them.
“How’re you doing?”
Always the same. Good. Fine. Yeah, not too bad. Because that is all that's left.
People tell you to stop bottling it up. It's fucking annoying, because you're not. It's simpler than that. Nobody ever sat down with you and worked out what feeling anything actually means, or how to do it.
And if reading that did nothing to you, there it is.
Life experience flat. Missing the moments. Distracted.
Life with colour, expression, connected again.
same man. upgraded experience.
02. Where it came from
That tension in the air and the eggshells on the floor. An environment built on a decade of desires unasked, needs ignored, and opinions unexpressed. Now you float like a ghost to keep the peace.
There were good reasons every time. You're doing fine. Figure it out, don't be a burden. Don't rock the boat.
But you were never shown what you couldn't see. That is the whole problem with doing anything alone.
You've been waiting for it to ease off, or shift on its own. And when you have moved, you've done more of the same. More helping, more providing, more keeping the peace. Effort was never what was missing.
Daniel
good reasons to keep it to yourself
Every one of them is a decent man's solution to a real problem.
The more she reaches, the more you find that needs doing.
You can explain how you feel. You've never actually felt it.
You'll talk to her properly when things are better between you. They never quite are.
You keep everyone's mood up. Nobody's asked about yours in years.
Everything gets softened before it leaves your mouth.
You'll have a suspicion which one is yours. Confirm it, because the full profile goes further than you'd expect. Two minutes to find out which one you're running, where you learned it, and why things are the way they are at home.
Find out which one is yours →2 minutes. Free results emailed for your reference.
03. How the work works
Three dimensions between you and your experience of life with the people you love. Clear all three, and you'll know what everyone else is on about. Each one clouded gives a predictable result, which is why the same thing keeps happening.
that's the whole model
Reconnect with you. Reconnect with others. Reconnect with the experience of life you crave.
Start with a conversation →Clear each dimension to see the experience you've been missing.
it's your move. it always has been.
No glass between us.
and now me.
I didn't know if something was wrong, but something must have been missing.
I haven't been married for 10 years+ (yet). But we're not too dissimilar.
It was in primary school I learnt that I wouldn't be chosen for just being me. So I made myself useful. And have done it ever since.
I built stages, gathered audiences, recommended others so I could hide from making the request about what I wanted. I became a function of community value.
The part I'd rather not admit; when I did need to ask I softened it, made a response optional, and expressed at about 40%. Then I'd take the vague and create a story for why it didn't happen.
Never being turned down was great for my ego, but it's a slow disappointing experience of life never truly having my desires fulfilled.
I'd suppressed my wants, needs and desires for so long I didn't know they existed. Became easy going instead. Since I didn't want anything, I had nothing to protect, and let others get whatever they wanted from me. More emptiness. It felt like shit, so I stopped feeling and numbed all experience.
Then the heartbreak.
That was the first thing in 30 years I couldn't numb my way past. And it was the first time I went looking for the missing pieces instead of building something else.
So I started asking at 100%. No softening, nothing optional. Others learnt who I was, and more importantly, I finally discovered what I was made of. Which was only the beginning.
This was my whole life. I didn't know any different until I did. And I know it will be the same for you.
Daniel
04. People who did it
“I kept it all internally. I didn't realise that was what was causing the problems.”
That's the problem. What changed is in the full conversation →
and the ones who wrote it down said the same thing
“I'd gone astray, prioritising things that didn't really matter.”
“I was suppressing my true feelings. I thought I had to settle.”
“Daniel helped me see what I couldn't see myself.”
couldn't see it. couldn't name it. nobody gave them those words.
so which one is yours?
Which one you're running, where you learned it, and why things are the way they are at home.
Find out which one is yours →2 minutes. Free results emailed for your reference.
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